Lamp Lady

Ikea really has a brilliant scheme going:  you make a specific trip to go buy a lot of inexpensive, poor quality, but initially nice-looking things for your home---and you want to make the most of your specific trip out to the burbs, so you really stock up on the loot---but then you end up needing to return quite a few things that you didn't notice were scratched, chipped or broken.

However, you remember the loooooooooooong lines you waited in to buy all these things, in cash (that you didn't have, and therefore had to get out of line to retrieve it from the ATM, and then line up in another long queue), and you think to yourself, "Maybe I should just keep it".  This is the psychological brilliance that keeps Ikea going.  They make you remember two things: cheap prices and long lines.  It makes you want to go and buy, but not return---it was cheap anyway right? Is it really worth your time waiting in line to return the $10 shelf that came out of the box chipped?

Well, I decided it was, since I'm a hausfrau and have nothing but time.  I got to Ikea early, before the store opened, but after the restaurant opened, so I could wait inside.  There was a roped off area near the entrance, where two other people were waiting on my right to return things: a younger man with a small box, and a pursed-lipped woman in her mid-fifties with a large, white floor lamp on a cart.  The Ikea worker walked lazily over to us; we all braced ourselves--it's time to save money!

He unlocked the rope on the side closest to myself.  At this, the young man took off with a trot, dashing in front of me and speeding ahead to get to be the first in line.  I took off at a brisk pace, but none too hurried.  I arrived second at the Take-A-Number machine. Just as I had pushed the button and placed my fingers on ticket #2, Lamp Lady pulls up behind me and shouts "German-German-German-German-German!!!!!@!$%" (or something like that), yanks the number out of my hand, and walks firmly up to the second lady at the returns register to take my place!  I think my lips must have parted slightly from shock, and two German ladies came up behind me and shook their heads at this insolent woman who stole my place in line.  I said nothing, but simply smiled at the ladies behind me, took the next number and got in line.  My return ended up being finished before hers, so I glanced her way but she was busy avoiding my gaze.  But really, the situation was so silly and in-your-face, all I could do was laugh!